I got pregnant when I was 14, and was given a lot of pressure to abort
my baby. I refused. So then the pressure and coercion to give my baby
up for adoption began. I felt hopeless and helpless, and I finally
decided to do what all the adults
wanted me to do. No one told me of the psychological damage that a
newborn can have that affects them for life by being ripped from their
natural mother. No one told me the lifelong grief I would experience.
We
had contact all through her growing up years, and I thought this
adoption thing had worked out just fine for everyone involved. Then my
daughter cut off contact last year, after I had basically stabbed her
heart and ripped it open by rejecting and abandoning her again and
again. I thought it was my duty to push her to her a-parents. I
thought I didn't have any right to feel motherly feelings towards her or
even call her my daughter. She was supposed to be NOTHING to me. I
complied. I was always a good birthmother, well-adjusted, and at peace
with my decision. Always deferring to her a-parents.
When
I was expecting baby #11, I was asking for baby name suggestions, and
explained to my FB friends that I don't re-use any of the initials of
any of my children, but I said we could re-use a J, because she was
given up for adoption. Ouch. That really, really hurt her, but I
thought I was doing what she wanted. I didn't think she wanted me to
consider her my daughter. I didn't think I was allowed to think like
that. So, after she saw that post, she cut off contact with me, and I
believe she probably hates me.
Since
that event, I have set out to educate myself and have learned a lot
about the not-so-pretty side of adoption. I'm done drinking the
adoption kool-aid. I am setting out to educate others, and by some of
my posts, I have been successful. There have been a lot of debates in
response to some of my posts, and I think it has been a learning
experience for me and all those around me. We must never forget that
everyone in the adoption triad had a choice, EXCEPT THE CHILD. Adoption
is something that happened to the child.
Anyway, so that is the Reader's Digest version of my story.
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